Rob Coasters
Rob Poster
Considering the way that we did things, we did what felt like ten loops of the park, riding every coaster multiple times so my "traditional" way of writing would result in me touching back on the same rides more than a few times in extremely quick succession - this would result in me having next to nothing to say, especially when we get deeper into our three-day visit. So I'm going to approach this with a slightly different format than usual, and as a result, compressing the three days into (hopefully) one long post, depending on how kind the 30-image-per-post limit is to me.
We were visiting with my friend, who has the disabled access pass due to being flat-footed, and as a result has difficulty standing in queues. The way that PortAventura's disabled access works is that you can bring up to two(?) others with you up the disabled access queue, but you CANNOT go up it solo. Which means that if you are a disabled access holder with one riding partner, and they do not want to ride Hurakan Condor, then you will not be riding Hurakan Condor - so choose them wisely! Also, the disabled access puts on a timer of approximately two hours until you can use it again, so our plan was to ride Shambhala, Dragon Khan and Furius Baco exactly every two hours.
Uber does not operate in Salou/Reus due to a taxi monopoly. A taxi between PortAventura and Reus Airport is approximately £32 one way, and this is the same number whether you're in a group or solo (tried and tested).
Our way of hotel-ing was via the PortAventura Hotel Roulette, which for a discounted price, you are assigned at random any one of the resort's multiple pieces of onsite accommodation. The one that we got was El Paso, and was incredibly worth the money. We had to prebook lunch and dinner online, each of which came with their own perks (such as being for free excluding drinks, or being given a 25 euro buffer and you have to pay the difference if you go above that).
#543 Furius Baco - 7 rides
In terms of fun, Furius Baco runs away with it, and we already start strong with what ended up being firmly my favourite attraction in the main park. I did have to keep expectations at least slightly reserved due to the insane complaints about this coaster's allegedly apocalyptic levels of roughness, but I loved it personally, and rode in every end of the train. I do remember saying that I was a little bit "over" hydraulic launches as the sensation doesn't really do that much anymore, but I'm thankful that Baco revitalised that for me, as this is by far my favourite hydraulic launch. The rest of the ride is an absolutely chaotic mess (complimentary), and while it is incredibly short, it packs a very serious and real punch that leaves you on the brakes gasping at what you just did. It's an excellent ride, and while its roughness absolutely can be too much for most people, I thought it was fantastic, and there were a couple rides where I did think it got a bit much, but I only had more reason to go back around and find out what my favourite seat was. Huge compliments to Baco, and I dearly hope that they keep this ride around for longer, if only so I can take people here and get their first-time reactions to it.
Ride Note
#544 Shambhala - 7 rides
Often regarded as one of the best hyper coasters in the world, it took a little longer for Shambhala to come around to me than Furius Baco did, and wasn't able to instantly win me over. To me, the biggest issue with these hyper coasters from Bolliger & Mabillard are that I'm actively bored while I'm not experiencing airtime unless you approach them with serious speed, and this has been the case ever since I started riding these. I do agree that the airtime on this ride is great, if a little more graceful & smooth than other hyper coasters, but not "blow your socks off" like Mako at SeaWorld Orlando. While an incredibly attractive looker, the ampersand turnaround at the far end of the ride was a major non-event, which looks so much better than it rides. It feels like it's there to pad out the runtime, and not really at any point did I think to myself any emotions other than "okay, when's the next airtime hill" while on this turnaround. Thankfully, by far the strongest airtime hill immediately follows which makes you forget your worries, and shortly after is the iconic signature splashdown which is a super exciting part of the ride. Everything from the midcourse brakes onwards ends the ride on a largely softer note than everything else, taken a little too slowly to leave a lasting impact as you enter the brakes. Every moment of airtime on Shambhala before the midcourse brakes is awesome, and while it did take me a few rides to fully adjust to the strength of airtime that it goes for, I slowly but steadily continued to enjoy the ride more on every lap.
Shambhala does not have the issues that Behemoth does where the wing seats are practically unrideable; the ride is appreciatively smooth in every seat.
Ride Note
#545 Dragon Khan - 4 rides
This multi-inversion coaster received a partial track replacement this year to mixed and negative reviews due to the new track somehow running rougher than its 31-year-old counterparts. In my personal opinion, I couldn't notice a difference between the two at all, except for the second half of the cobra roll which had a VERY jarring and insane shake to it that seriously felt like the train was tearing itself apart, which got worse as the cobra roll progressed. This was the only part which tracked worse, although other than that, not being able to tell a difference between thirty and zero-year-old pieces of the ride is not a good look for the manufacturer. Considering how the cobra roll is one of the elements that was completely replaced this year, Bolliger & Mabillard needs to have some serious words with their manufacturing plants over quality control, as this has been a glaring issue across all of their newer rides since at least 2023.
Otherwise, Dragon Khan is pretty good and worth riding at least a few times. I definitely think it's the most intense roller coaster in the park, with strong sustained positive G forces entirely throughout and it's a very long ride as well, with the whole ride refusing to let up at all until all eight of its powerful inversions are done. My favourite inversion by far had to be the Zero G Roll, which had you out of your seat entirely through it, and was a damn near perfect execution of the element. At other parts, I was kind of questioning how much I exactly was enjoying the ride, with thoughts of "is this even fun?" as you hurtled through the sixth inversion at high speed, but as I kept coming back to it and agreeing to riding it, I must have been.
Hurakan Condor - 6 rides
For being an almost 400ft drop tower, Hurakan Condor felt oddly underwhelming. It's pretty neat how you slow down briefly while halfway up your ascent. You drop around five seconds after reaching the top, but I was a little unconvinced by it. I'm not sure if I'm regaining my drop tower fatigue in that they all feel exactly the same unless they do something really special, but I wasn't fully won over by this. It gives you a good view, but that's about it. I came off the ride very "okay.", and this feels wild to say considering its insane height.
Disabled access queue does not grant access to the tilting side or the stand-up side.
Ride Note
#546 Uncharted - 3 rides
This was the first major disappointment of the visit. Uncharted utilises a brand new state-of-the-art roller coaster system known as a Multidimensional Coaster, where the ride vehicle is able to go through controlled spins while making track switches and getting lost in a great story. However, Uncharted's budget went all into ride hardware and almost none into theming, as some sparsely placed screens are all you get in dead areas of lengthy pitch black nothingness, feeling like a huge waste of potential especially with a ride system as insanely cool as this. PortAventura truly dropped the ball with theming on this ride, as it has some really cool concepts going for it, but one must seriously put into question how exactly this ride cost thirty million euros. A ride with this hardware that's properly themed could easily be one of the world's best indoor roller coasters.
#547 Tomahawk - 1 ride
Tomahawk is one of the smallest wooden coasters in Europe, designed as a more family-friendly version of Stampida which surrounds it entirely, making this ride seriously difficult to photograph outside of its final hump into the brakes. There lacks much or anything to say about this ride, being nothing more than a pretty serviceable ride for families and younger children to enjoy.
#548 Stampida (Blue) - 1 ride
This was allegedly the rougher side of this set of duelling coasters, so it made sense to get this out of the way and save best for last (or in this case, least worst). Despite having trains made by the people responsible for my least favourite restraints in the world, this was oddly surviveable but still not exactly pleasant. The ride has sections of track that have been replaced by the controversial 'Titan Track', which is a weldless steel replacement for parks who feel like they are above the need to maintain their wooden coasters properly. For some time I've been fairly indifferent to Titan Track, having done a very small sample size, but after this coaster, I strongly think that they are detrimental to the wooden coaster feel and should be discontinued. Despite making the ride feel glass smooth, and entirely eliminating any concerns of roughness whatsoever, I almost think that I would take roughness because at least it keeps the traditional wooden coaster feel. Titan Track turns your wooden coaster into a wood/steel hybrid coaster, and that sensation of running on wooden rails is gone.
There are multiple companies who will gladly retrack your wooden coaster and retain that feeling without turning your ride into a wannabe steel coaster. I would much rather that parks chose those options instead of Titan Track.
The ride runs relatively fine other than that. It does border slightly on whether or not it's a good ride, but I'd put that partially down to a pretty weak layout that doesn't achieve much of note and is definitely one of this manufacturer's weakest rides. The blue side had an insanely painful and jarring slam right at the end, which sent my leg hurtling into the side of the lap bar, causing a loud grunt and instantly knocking off half a star for that singular moment.
#549 Red Force - 12 rides
Moving to Ferrari Land, Red Force is Europe's tallest and fastest roller coaster, reaching speeds of 112mph and heights of 367ft. Hearing some unfavourable reviews of an uncontrollable rattle that seriously mars its enjoyability factor, I still went in with high standards that I wanted to really enjoy this ride because, well, look at it. I'm thankful to report that this ended up being my favourite ride in the resort, because damn is it incredible. We tried both front and back row multiple times, and my favourite row actually ended up being row 2, because of the mandated goggles in row 1 that you had to wear (and had to remove your glasses for the privilege). These goggles were murky, dirty and hard to see through them, and I had a much better time leaning out of the train to get that wind in my face while still retaining the ability to see. That launch is simply insanity in the best way possible, speeding at over 100mph as you challenge the wind and attempt to climb over that dauntingly massive tower. The drop downwards is just as exhilarating, and while the view from the top isn't good by any means, a sea of endless concrete car park, it's still a jaw-droppingly good one trick pony that leaves me with my mouth on the floor every single time.
Ride Note
#550 Junior Red Force - 1 ride
For being a children's coaster, this had some unacceptably rough moments to it, with horrific transitions that sent you flying to the other side of the car in a way that was not fun in the slightest. Dangerously close to my "never again" hell-tier list of coasters, I declined to ride this a second time even as a joke when we had to waste some time while waiting for our next Red Force timeslot.
Thrill Towers - Torre de caida libre - 1 ride
I think this was the side that launched us upwards, and it wasn't very good. I'd always found these launched drop towers to be considerably weak rides, again being far more of a looker than anything else. Mystery Castle at Phantasialand continues to be the star example of how to perfect this type of ride, and it's a crying shame that it has never been replicated, although I guess that does add to that attraction's uniqueness factor.
Crazy Pistons - 1 ride
This is a unique ride that I've never seen before, and it was pretty funny going up the disabled access when this ride had no queue to speak of in the first place. The best way to describe this is that it's basically a Wild Swing that faces the other way, perhaps this is where the manufacturer of those rides got the inspiration.
#551 Diablo - 2 rides
This specific genre of mine train coaster was popular in the USA in the early 80s but only one was ever built in Europe, right here. I loved this ride and everything it stood for, it's hilarious from start to finish, and I enjoyed it so much that I made the two other members of my group sprint to it at full-speed as we were in the right place at the right time to get on it right before it closed. We didn't try the Augmented Reality that it had to offer due to it mandating the removal of my glasses, so we enjoyed the ride for what it was instead. This ride also made me realise how much of a difference sitting one row apart can make. Me sitting at the front, and my two travel friends one row behind, I was busy having the time of my life while the two were getting slammed and shunted and jackhammered entirely throughout, loudly complaining through the whole course and all three lift hills while I was in hysterics from how much I was enjoying myself and how substantially different our rides were despite being on the same train.
#552 Stampida (Red) - 1 ride
We rode the front row of this instead of taking the back like we did on blue, and this lacked the harsh lateral slam right at the end, and was mostly more rideable. I wouldn't put Stampida's mediocrity down to its roughness, but more so a pretty unsaveable layout that spends most of its time doing a whole load of "not much".
#553 Tami-Tami - 1 ride
The stock model junior coaster of the resort, Tami-Tami is incredibly well presented for the ride type that it is, truly feeling like it was a layout designed specically for the park despite, well, not being that.
TuTuKi Splash - 1 ride
My friend Tom was fairly insistent that we were going to ride TuTuKi Splash as many times as it took until we got a "TuTuKi Special". With adamant refusal to explain what the hell a "TuTuKi Special" was, he begged that I asked the operators for it, and when I did, they checked our bar and went to talk to the one on the op panel about my request. Tom spent the whole of the ride trying to decipher whether they were setting up the TuTuKi Special, or if they had denied our request. The ride is a shoot-the-chutes style water ride with two drops, the second one being the largest. At this point I was begging to know what the TuTuKi Special was, whether it was a waterfall we'd go under that wouldn't turn off or a giant splash effect that came from a nearby lake or a tiki fountain that peed on us.
Tom got visibly happy as we reached the lift hill for the second drop, with confirmation that our request had been accepted and my confusion only getting more prominent.
Midway up said lift, the boat in front of us splashed down, sending a barrage of water directly onto us as we ascended, and right there and then I discovered what the TuTuKi Special was and we were left in fits of laughter. 100% recommend.
Crazy Barrels - 1 ride
This is a park model Breakdance with discs in the middle of them that were originally designed for you to be able to control the spinning of your own car, but these were disabled before the ride ever opened due to concerns that this would make the ride too intense. The resulting ride is a fairly traditional ride of this type with a lot less leg room than usual because the discs were never removed, only disabled. The ride already felt intense enough without the discs, so I can't imagine what the ride would be like if it ran as intended!
Grand Canyon Rapids - 1 ride
This is a fast-moving, but weak rapids with very few moments of peril and matching up with what almost all other European rapids rides are also like. The only moment of danger was a group of powerful upcharge water jets which we spent almost ten euros on for the pleasure of making people scream and cower in fear at our own will.
Sesame Street Street Street Street Street Street Street Mission - 1 ride
Insane name aside, this is a pleasant little take on the shooting dark ride concept, where you shot at cookies while Elmo and the gang encouraged you to do so. I do think that while this is a pretty strong shooter in terms of physical sets, it dragged on a little too long and its reliance of shooting screens didn't help.
Yucatan - 1 ride
This is one of the most intense rides I've ever done in terms of lateral forces and I'm not joking. Having the full weight of two men on you had me well and truly crushed and begging for mercy throughout the whole ride, and while it was genuinely really f**king painful to be in that position for that long, I appreciate a permanent park putting on a show like this. Often when parks install permanent versions of rides that are designed to travel, they often have a slightly more muted cycle, but this one didn't hold back at all and I really appreciated it for that reason.
Flying Dreams - 1 ride
Briefly returning to Ferrari Land, we kind of forgot how much Ferrari likes to pat itself on the back for no reason. This is my new least favourite flying theatre, despite having a lot of similarities to Voletarium which is one that I love, due to it feeling oddly corporate and soulless. It's five to fifteen minutes of the company telling "we're the best!" to your face, and while I would do exactly the same if I had a theme park dedicated to myself, it all felt very over the top with the shoehorning of Ferrari promotion into every scene possible.
Racing Legends - 1 ride
If you thought the whole approach of "nobody does it better than us!" was insufferably bad on Flying Dreams, just you wait for how horrific Racing Legends is, as I think this is a serious contender for the single worst dark ride attraction in the world at any major amusement park, and I don't say that lightly. After over ten minutes of useless preshows that go on a rampage about how good Ferrari is and stroking their ego, you enter the actual simulator room which is a glorified IMAX cinema with barely-moving seats and no 3D glasses because it's broken. The actual film itself is the most "trying too hard to be something meaningful" thing I've ever seen, a truly pathetic show of how hyping yourself up to infinity can have consequences to the point where even the operators themselves know just how much this ride sucks.
VolPauite - 1 ride
This is another alarming piece of mediocrity. Doing it for research purposes, this perhaps wins the award for the worst-ran flat ride ever. It may not look that bad on paper, but if you see any footage of one of these Flipper rides on the travelling circuit, you'll realise just how bad this really is.
Kontiki Wave - 1 ride
This was pretty fun as far as pirate ships go. It didn't do anything spectacular, but was presented incredibly well, and swung up to a respectable height with a long ride cycle.
I have two rides remaining which I will follow up on in the next post.
We were visiting with my friend, who has the disabled access pass due to being flat-footed, and as a result has difficulty standing in queues. The way that PortAventura's disabled access works is that you can bring up to two(?) others with you up the disabled access queue, but you CANNOT go up it solo. Which means that if you are a disabled access holder with one riding partner, and they do not want to ride Hurakan Condor, then you will not be riding Hurakan Condor - so choose them wisely! Also, the disabled access puts on a timer of approximately two hours until you can use it again, so our plan was to ride Shambhala, Dragon Khan and Furius Baco exactly every two hours.
Uber does not operate in Salou/Reus due to a taxi monopoly. A taxi between PortAventura and Reus Airport is approximately £32 one way, and this is the same number whether you're in a group or solo (tried and tested).
Our way of hotel-ing was via the PortAventura Hotel Roulette, which for a discounted price, you are assigned at random any one of the resort's multiple pieces of onsite accommodation. The one that we got was El Paso, and was incredibly worth the money. We had to prebook lunch and dinner online, each of which came with their own perks (such as being for free excluding drinks, or being given a 25 euro buffer and you have to pay the difference if you go above that).
#543 Furius Baco - 7 rides
In terms of fun, Furius Baco runs away with it, and we already start strong with what ended up being firmly my favourite attraction in the main park. I did have to keep expectations at least slightly reserved due to the insane complaints about this coaster's allegedly apocalyptic levels of roughness, but I loved it personally, and rode in every end of the train. I do remember saying that I was a little bit "over" hydraulic launches as the sensation doesn't really do that much anymore, but I'm thankful that Baco revitalised that for me, as this is by far my favourite hydraulic launch. The rest of the ride is an absolutely chaotic mess (complimentary), and while it is incredibly short, it packs a very serious and real punch that leaves you on the brakes gasping at what you just did. It's an excellent ride, and while its roughness absolutely can be too much for most people, I thought it was fantastic, and there were a couple rides where I did think it got a bit much, but I only had more reason to go back around and find out what my favourite seat was. Huge compliments to Baco, and I dearly hope that they keep this ride around for longer, if only so I can take people here and get their first-time reactions to it.
Ride Note
#544 Shambhala - 7 rides
Often regarded as one of the best hyper coasters in the world, it took a little longer for Shambhala to come around to me than Furius Baco did, and wasn't able to instantly win me over. To me, the biggest issue with these hyper coasters from Bolliger & Mabillard are that I'm actively bored while I'm not experiencing airtime unless you approach them with serious speed, and this has been the case ever since I started riding these. I do agree that the airtime on this ride is great, if a little more graceful & smooth than other hyper coasters, but not "blow your socks off" like Mako at SeaWorld Orlando. While an incredibly attractive looker, the ampersand turnaround at the far end of the ride was a major non-event, which looks so much better than it rides. It feels like it's there to pad out the runtime, and not really at any point did I think to myself any emotions other than "okay, when's the next airtime hill" while on this turnaround. Thankfully, by far the strongest airtime hill immediately follows which makes you forget your worries, and shortly after is the iconic signature splashdown which is a super exciting part of the ride. Everything from the midcourse brakes onwards ends the ride on a largely softer note than everything else, taken a little too slowly to leave a lasting impact as you enter the brakes. Every moment of airtime on Shambhala before the midcourse brakes is awesome, and while it did take me a few rides to fully adjust to the strength of airtime that it goes for, I slowly but steadily continued to enjoy the ride more on every lap.
Shambhala does not have the issues that Behemoth does where the wing seats are practically unrideable; the ride is appreciatively smooth in every seat.
Ride Note
#545 Dragon Khan - 4 rides
This multi-inversion coaster received a partial track replacement this year to mixed and negative reviews due to the new track somehow running rougher than its 31-year-old counterparts. In my personal opinion, I couldn't notice a difference between the two at all, except for the second half of the cobra roll which had a VERY jarring and insane shake to it that seriously felt like the train was tearing itself apart, which got worse as the cobra roll progressed. This was the only part which tracked worse, although other than that, not being able to tell a difference between thirty and zero-year-old pieces of the ride is not a good look for the manufacturer. Considering how the cobra roll is one of the elements that was completely replaced this year, Bolliger & Mabillard needs to have some serious words with their manufacturing plants over quality control, as this has been a glaring issue across all of their newer rides since at least 2023.
Otherwise, Dragon Khan is pretty good and worth riding at least a few times. I definitely think it's the most intense roller coaster in the park, with strong sustained positive G forces entirely throughout and it's a very long ride as well, with the whole ride refusing to let up at all until all eight of its powerful inversions are done. My favourite inversion by far had to be the Zero G Roll, which had you out of your seat entirely through it, and was a damn near perfect execution of the element. At other parts, I was kind of questioning how much I exactly was enjoying the ride, with thoughts of "is this even fun?" as you hurtled through the sixth inversion at high speed, but as I kept coming back to it and agreeing to riding it, I must have been.
Hurakan Condor - 6 rides
For being an almost 400ft drop tower, Hurakan Condor felt oddly underwhelming. It's pretty neat how you slow down briefly while halfway up your ascent. You drop around five seconds after reaching the top, but I was a little unconvinced by it. I'm not sure if I'm regaining my drop tower fatigue in that they all feel exactly the same unless they do something really special, but I wasn't fully won over by this. It gives you a good view, but that's about it. I came off the ride very "okay.", and this feels wild to say considering its insane height.
Disabled access queue does not grant access to the tilting side or the stand-up side.
Ride Note
#546 Uncharted - 3 rides
This was the first major disappointment of the visit. Uncharted utilises a brand new state-of-the-art roller coaster system known as a Multidimensional Coaster, where the ride vehicle is able to go through controlled spins while making track switches and getting lost in a great story. However, Uncharted's budget went all into ride hardware and almost none into theming, as some sparsely placed screens are all you get in dead areas of lengthy pitch black nothingness, feeling like a huge waste of potential especially with a ride system as insanely cool as this. PortAventura truly dropped the ball with theming on this ride, as it has some really cool concepts going for it, but one must seriously put into question how exactly this ride cost thirty million euros. A ride with this hardware that's properly themed could easily be one of the world's best indoor roller coasters.
#547 Tomahawk - 1 ride
Tomahawk is one of the smallest wooden coasters in Europe, designed as a more family-friendly version of Stampida which surrounds it entirely, making this ride seriously difficult to photograph outside of its final hump into the brakes. There lacks much or anything to say about this ride, being nothing more than a pretty serviceable ride for families and younger children to enjoy.
#548 Stampida (Blue) - 1 ride
This was allegedly the rougher side of this set of duelling coasters, so it made sense to get this out of the way and save best for last (or in this case, least worst). Despite having trains made by the people responsible for my least favourite restraints in the world, this was oddly surviveable but still not exactly pleasant. The ride has sections of track that have been replaced by the controversial 'Titan Track', which is a weldless steel replacement for parks who feel like they are above the need to maintain their wooden coasters properly. For some time I've been fairly indifferent to Titan Track, having done a very small sample size, but after this coaster, I strongly think that they are detrimental to the wooden coaster feel and should be discontinued. Despite making the ride feel glass smooth, and entirely eliminating any concerns of roughness whatsoever, I almost think that I would take roughness because at least it keeps the traditional wooden coaster feel. Titan Track turns your wooden coaster into a wood/steel hybrid coaster, and that sensation of running on wooden rails is gone.
There are multiple companies who will gladly retrack your wooden coaster and retain that feeling without turning your ride into a wannabe steel coaster. I would much rather that parks chose those options instead of Titan Track.
The ride runs relatively fine other than that. It does border slightly on whether or not it's a good ride, but I'd put that partially down to a pretty weak layout that doesn't achieve much of note and is definitely one of this manufacturer's weakest rides. The blue side had an insanely painful and jarring slam right at the end, which sent my leg hurtling into the side of the lap bar, causing a loud grunt and instantly knocking off half a star for that singular moment.
#549 Red Force - 12 rides
Moving to Ferrari Land, Red Force is Europe's tallest and fastest roller coaster, reaching speeds of 112mph and heights of 367ft. Hearing some unfavourable reviews of an uncontrollable rattle that seriously mars its enjoyability factor, I still went in with high standards that I wanted to really enjoy this ride because, well, look at it. I'm thankful to report that this ended up being my favourite ride in the resort, because damn is it incredible. We tried both front and back row multiple times, and my favourite row actually ended up being row 2, because of the mandated goggles in row 1 that you had to wear (and had to remove your glasses for the privilege). These goggles were murky, dirty and hard to see through them, and I had a much better time leaning out of the train to get that wind in my face while still retaining the ability to see. That launch is simply insanity in the best way possible, speeding at over 100mph as you challenge the wind and attempt to climb over that dauntingly massive tower. The drop downwards is just as exhilarating, and while the view from the top isn't good by any means, a sea of endless concrete car park, it's still a jaw-droppingly good one trick pony that leaves me with my mouth on the floor every single time.
Ride Note
#550 Junior Red Force - 1 ride
For being a children's coaster, this had some unacceptably rough moments to it, with horrific transitions that sent you flying to the other side of the car in a way that was not fun in the slightest. Dangerously close to my "never again" hell-tier list of coasters, I declined to ride this a second time even as a joke when we had to waste some time while waiting for our next Red Force timeslot.
Thrill Towers - Torre de caida libre - 1 ride
I think this was the side that launched us upwards, and it wasn't very good. I'd always found these launched drop towers to be considerably weak rides, again being far more of a looker than anything else. Mystery Castle at Phantasialand continues to be the star example of how to perfect this type of ride, and it's a crying shame that it has never been replicated, although I guess that does add to that attraction's uniqueness factor.
Crazy Pistons - 1 ride
This is a unique ride that I've never seen before, and it was pretty funny going up the disabled access when this ride had no queue to speak of in the first place. The best way to describe this is that it's basically a Wild Swing that faces the other way, perhaps this is where the manufacturer of those rides got the inspiration.
#551 Diablo - 2 rides
This specific genre of mine train coaster was popular in the USA in the early 80s but only one was ever built in Europe, right here. I loved this ride and everything it stood for, it's hilarious from start to finish, and I enjoyed it so much that I made the two other members of my group sprint to it at full-speed as we were in the right place at the right time to get on it right before it closed. We didn't try the Augmented Reality that it had to offer due to it mandating the removal of my glasses, so we enjoyed the ride for what it was instead. This ride also made me realise how much of a difference sitting one row apart can make. Me sitting at the front, and my two travel friends one row behind, I was busy having the time of my life while the two were getting slammed and shunted and jackhammered entirely throughout, loudly complaining through the whole course and all three lift hills while I was in hysterics from how much I was enjoying myself and how substantially different our rides were despite being on the same train.
#552 Stampida (Red) - 1 ride
We rode the front row of this instead of taking the back like we did on blue, and this lacked the harsh lateral slam right at the end, and was mostly more rideable. I wouldn't put Stampida's mediocrity down to its roughness, but more so a pretty unsaveable layout that spends most of its time doing a whole load of "not much".
#553 Tami-Tami - 1 ride
The stock model junior coaster of the resort, Tami-Tami is incredibly well presented for the ride type that it is, truly feeling like it was a layout designed specically for the park despite, well, not being that.
TuTuKi Splash - 1 ride
My friend Tom was fairly insistent that we were going to ride TuTuKi Splash as many times as it took until we got a "TuTuKi Special". With adamant refusal to explain what the hell a "TuTuKi Special" was, he begged that I asked the operators for it, and when I did, they checked our bar and went to talk to the one on the op panel about my request. Tom spent the whole of the ride trying to decipher whether they were setting up the TuTuKi Special, or if they had denied our request. The ride is a shoot-the-chutes style water ride with two drops, the second one being the largest. At this point I was begging to know what the TuTuKi Special was, whether it was a waterfall we'd go under that wouldn't turn off or a giant splash effect that came from a nearby lake or a tiki fountain that peed on us.
Tom got visibly happy as we reached the lift hill for the second drop, with confirmation that our request had been accepted and my confusion only getting more prominent.
Midway up said lift, the boat in front of us splashed down, sending a barrage of water directly onto us as we ascended, and right there and then I discovered what the TuTuKi Special was and we were left in fits of laughter. 100% recommend.
Crazy Barrels - 1 ride
This is a park model Breakdance with discs in the middle of them that were originally designed for you to be able to control the spinning of your own car, but these were disabled before the ride ever opened due to concerns that this would make the ride too intense. The resulting ride is a fairly traditional ride of this type with a lot less leg room than usual because the discs were never removed, only disabled. The ride already felt intense enough without the discs, so I can't imagine what the ride would be like if it ran as intended!
Grand Canyon Rapids - 1 ride
This is a fast-moving, but weak rapids with very few moments of peril and matching up with what almost all other European rapids rides are also like. The only moment of danger was a group of powerful upcharge water jets which we spent almost ten euros on for the pleasure of making people scream and cower in fear at our own will.
Sesame Street Street Street Street Street Street Street Mission - 1 ride
Insane name aside, this is a pleasant little take on the shooting dark ride concept, where you shot at cookies while Elmo and the gang encouraged you to do so. I do think that while this is a pretty strong shooter in terms of physical sets, it dragged on a little too long and its reliance of shooting screens didn't help.
Yucatan - 1 ride
This is one of the most intense rides I've ever done in terms of lateral forces and I'm not joking. Having the full weight of two men on you had me well and truly crushed and begging for mercy throughout the whole ride, and while it was genuinely really f**king painful to be in that position for that long, I appreciate a permanent park putting on a show like this. Often when parks install permanent versions of rides that are designed to travel, they often have a slightly more muted cycle, but this one didn't hold back at all and I really appreciated it for that reason.
Flying Dreams - 1 ride
Briefly returning to Ferrari Land, we kind of forgot how much Ferrari likes to pat itself on the back for no reason. This is my new least favourite flying theatre, despite having a lot of similarities to Voletarium which is one that I love, due to it feeling oddly corporate and soulless. It's five to fifteen minutes of the company telling "we're the best!" to your face, and while I would do exactly the same if I had a theme park dedicated to myself, it all felt very over the top with the shoehorning of Ferrari promotion into every scene possible.
Racing Legends - 1 ride
If you thought the whole approach of "nobody does it better than us!" was insufferably bad on Flying Dreams, just you wait for how horrific Racing Legends is, as I think this is a serious contender for the single worst dark ride attraction in the world at any major amusement park, and I don't say that lightly. After over ten minutes of useless preshows that go on a rampage about how good Ferrari is and stroking their ego, you enter the actual simulator room which is a glorified IMAX cinema with barely-moving seats and no 3D glasses because it's broken. The actual film itself is the most "trying too hard to be something meaningful" thing I've ever seen, a truly pathetic show of how hyping yourself up to infinity can have consequences to the point where even the operators themselves know just how much this ride sucks.
VolPauite - 1 ride
This is another alarming piece of mediocrity. Doing it for research purposes, this perhaps wins the award for the worst-ran flat ride ever. It may not look that bad on paper, but if you see any footage of one of these Flipper rides on the travelling circuit, you'll realise just how bad this really is.
Kontiki Wave - 1 ride
This was pretty fun as far as pirate ships go. It didn't do anything spectacular, but was presented incredibly well, and swung up to a respectable height with a long ride cycle.
I have two rides remaining which I will follow up on in the next post.
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